you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
