Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
