"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
