I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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