i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
