Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
