I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
