im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
