im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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