Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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