i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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