how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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