Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
