I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
