I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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