i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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