i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
