Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
