dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
