At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
