Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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