Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Welp...herpes.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
