If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize