Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
