Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
