Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
