grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize