I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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