she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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