I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Randomize
