In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize