I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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