She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
