best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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