he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
