you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
