dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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