I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Randomize
