$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
