your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize