I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
What drink are we having for lunch?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
