i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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