You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
