He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
