hotel room ftw
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
