Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize