everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
