She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
