Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
