We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize