My Higher Power is John Stamos
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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