Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize