He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize