can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
