The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
a search helicopter?!
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
