Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
