UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
