i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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