I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Randomize
