my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Randomize
