After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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