my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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