theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
