omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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